A SHALLOW SISTER’S DATING WORKSHOP – A TRYST
You’ve got to the point where you are going away for a dirty weekend. Obviously you have totally ignored my earlier advice on never spending the night. Since so many of you still insist upon going it alone I have no choice but to come up with back-up plans for these situations you insist you are in control over.
So, you are going for a weekend and are panicking. And rightly so. There are several things to consider.
1. He will see you without makeup (not even I can keep makeup on my face for a whole weekend).
2. He will see you with bad hair.
3. You may fart.
4. You may snore.
5. He will catch sight of your body in daylight.
6. You may have dog breath.
7. Naked dash to the bathroom.
How can you avoid the above (see earlier missive on Post Coital Directives), but since you won’t take notice of this I will get you out of this horrendous situation.
1. Makeup? Go cold Turkey. Get it off. Scrub your face. Put your night cream on (not the greasy one). The clean and fresh smell of soap is comforting to a man.
2. Bad hair? Keep a hairbrush close at hand but (provided you don’t possess fizz (and if you do you need to see your hairdresser to sort this)) then the tussled look can be alluring.
3. Fart? Take anti-gas tablets before each meal. Avoid all foods that can produce gas.
4. Snore? I so hope you don’t do this. However, if you have been drinking and most likely you have been then this is a very real possibility. Keep a bottle of water by your side of the bed and rehydrate as much as possible.
5. Body/Light? Sew the curtains together. Sleep with someone blind. Hope he’s more interested in where to put his morning erection.
6. Dog breath? Avoid kissing. I keep peppermint oil beside me in an easy to administer container.
7. Naked dash? Keep a very sexy silk nightdress beside you.
When doing anything normal, i.e. brushing your teeth, walking to the bathroom you should cloth your body. What? Is this Shallow Sister suddenly a prude? Not at all. I like to keep sex with naked. Clothing it to go to the bathroom after sex keeps the mystery and sensuality of the act of lust. I like to be ceremoniously unclothed for the purpose of intercourse. Plus I don’t look good naked. But always sleep naked. It gives your partner the impression that you are (a) comfortable with your body (whether you are or not) and (b) you are always available for action.
So, be it on your head if you think your relationship is strong enough to take a weekend away.