“It was silly of us to look for qualities in each other that we never had.”
W. Somerset Maugham (The Painted Veil)
We have dreams.
We have desires.
We have choices.
And it is silly to take a dream and a desire and to choose someone to fit this.
That someone is not our dream but someone we want to fit our desire. Thus somewhere down the line we discover that we are with a partner we don’t actually want.
What changed? Absolutely nothing. The problem was we wanted qualities in them that never existed. You thought you could mould the person. You thought, in time, he/she would take on your desires if you gently eased in that direction.
When this does not happen you are in danger of bullying your requirements: dressing them up as a moral obligation, as a promise not executed or the journey for him/her to become a better person.
Who is the better person? You the bully? Or, the one who never had the qualities you wanted?
For every hour you remain playdoughing your partner into shape is an hour lost from someone who is your heart’s desire. Perhaps you have put in too many years of trying to shape your desire and now dare not walk away? Remember that the older playdough is, the harder it is to mould; parts will crack and break off and your model will hold less and less of how you want it to look.
Put away your toys. Lovingly discard the old dough and shop for the perfect partner. He or she is out there. As long as you are distracted by your imperfect model you will lose the chance for your soul to fly. You will continue to imprison both of you in a situation that is not about quality, but about the quantity of time you have spent kneading that someone into a shape that can never be.

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