An AA member (who likes to keep her finger on the pulse of her past vice) passed on a study to me: ‘where is the best place to indulge in your drug vice?’ (However, it was not titled thus). So, inspired by the article I researched where the cheapest high is? This took about 15 minutes on Google (avoiding years of research on grants). And so fellow hedonists, here is where to go and where not to, for your next frivolous fun:

New Zealand is out for the cocaine-snorting crowd. Its location makes the smuggling of it, and just about every drug, rather difficult. Not just the distance, there is also tight border control. Hence your gram of coke for a night on the tiles will cost you almost as much as your flight there.

Australia is also out for the above reasons; although I’m surprised someone isn’t growing it somewhere on that vast continent. A further two minutes on Google revealed that in the 1920’s Java in Indonesia was the world’s main manufacturer of the coca plant and was doing better business than South America. The Dutch pulled up some plants from the Americas and replanted them in their colony. However, a mere 5 years later the (spoilsport) Geneva Convention came along and it was all over. Further 2 minutes goggling and I discovered that coca plants are not so easy to grow. A south-facing window box is not enough (I shall dismantle mine). The coca plant likes the high Andes temperature and humidity. It also takes a PHD in chemistry and a massive yield to get the contents of a nightclub high. However, Australia you have a shrub called Erythroxylum australe, which contains an alkaloid similar to cocaine. With high demand in Sydney’s party scene you’d think there might be a few bushes in the bush? Your cheapest Coke high is in St. Vincent and the Grenadines, less than $2 per gram. Almost worth the plane ticket!

Naturally Geography plays a big part in the cost of drugs available, for example: in Afghanistan (where the opium poppy resides) you can buy a gram for 10 cents. So if opium’s your thing, Pakistan, Iran or the Sudan might be a good location for your next winter break.

The mighty weed differs enormously in price when travelling, mostly on whether you are a tourist or a local. In most parts of Africa, South America and the Caribbean you can get a spliff for less than a postcard. In the UAE you might have to bring your own if you can’t afford the $110 per gram price. I also (wisely) took into account the cost of the high against the cost of incarceration. We know in Thailand you can get those (pretty awesome) Thai sticks, but if you are caught with them the price rises as you spend 20 to life dodging the death penalty.

My study does not include man-made drugs. I’m old school and therefore am wary of anything nature hasn’t given us that we can tweak. I’m also not including the mother of them all (heroin) because if you are looking for this then you are addicted and probably can’t afford to fly out somewhere to get it and must rely on what you can forage for on the streets of your hometown (or wherever you ended up being stupid enough to think ‘I’ll just give it a quick go for the fun of it’). Addiction is never fun.

The cost of drugs on you? I have a friend who tells me, ‘I don’t remember two years of my life, but I do know I had a good time’.

So, be wise, choose informatively, party with knowledge and don’t get caught by the police nor the drug.

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